I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
