I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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