I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
