Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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