Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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