K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
