Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
