Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
