Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
