So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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