my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
