If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
