Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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