from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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