just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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