Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
