No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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