What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
