So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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