I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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