he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
