porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
