Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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