She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
