So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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