I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just had sex bonerless
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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