I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize