He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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