I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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