i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
