I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
