Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
