I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
