guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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