using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize