So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
