I can text with my tongue
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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