I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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