You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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