Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
