so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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