Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
