They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize