After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
