My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
