I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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