Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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