I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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