something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
