mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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