I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
