i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
