Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
