i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
