New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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