I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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