before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
