So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
