I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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