great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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