dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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