Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Two words: blizzard sex