its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have poison ivy on my dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.