Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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