I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again