Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
