The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.