if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup