Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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