Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize