I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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