what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
