You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
