So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
