I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
