ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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