all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
