But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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