so that wasnt chicken after all
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
