No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
