Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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