I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
