I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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