your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
