I should be sponsored by Trojan
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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