Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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